What does this phrase mean to you? Before you read any further, I ask you to just take a few moments to think about it and share it with me if you like.
I felt as though I always tried my hardest. In high school when I was on the football field, yes, I would get up right away after being knocked down, I would run my hardest and I would try my best to not allow my negative self-talk to inhibit my ability to keep playing. But mentally I got discouraged quite easily. When I was off the field, alone, with no one to judge me I fell apart even more. Did I just want everyone else to think I “always tried my hardest?”. From a young age I knew success came from those who tried very hard, but my life was pretty hollow when I was not around others. I didn’t have enough inner awareness to realized that. I solely relied on external factors to get me motivated. The effort I put forth was seasonal at best and only applied to a few thin slices of my life.
Flash forward decades later. I learned that “always trying my hardest” went hand in hand with “always do your best”. Say it out loud. It just feels different. A book called “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, recommend to me by a good friend, Hannah, allowed these two phrases to meld together. If you are always doing your best, you are being the best version of yourself. That hit home for me. What your best is changes daily and it depends on the circumstances you are in and the bandwidth you have. When you do your best there is no extra energy to be spent on anything else because you know you are being the best version of yourself. This leaves no room for doubt.
I realized that “always trying my hardest” actually meant “always try my best”. When I am trying my best, I am waking up early and creating to-do lists. When I’m training, I am paying attention to my body pushing hard but not pushing through “bad” discomfort”. When I reflect, I think about what went well and what did not go well in order to shape my future behavior. When I am just going about life trying, I am trying to identify cognitive distortions patterns (IG: all or nothing thinking, catastrophizing or ego inflation) and use those as opportunities to change my impulsive thought patterns to ones that align with who I am trying to be.
So, I ask you to spend an extra moment to reflect on “what do you think always try your best mean to you?”. Then ask yourself “what does trying hard actually mean?”.